14 Nov Unsweetened advice
A recent conversation sparked this list of unsweetened pieces of advice. I think it is worthwhile sharing it with the world.
Very briefly because I have to focus on other writings.
In the best of the cases, you value the things I say. I hope that little by little you understand some of the following things.
Your ignorance is infinite.
You don’t know when it starts or when it finishes. Consider the things you know you don’t know. Then, consider those that you don’t know you don’t know. Understand that your ignorance is infinite.
Stop blaming others for your psychological suffering.
You are the ultimate creator of your suffering. Others don’t make you suffer. You make yourself suffer. Words and thoughts cannot hurt you if you don’t let them so.
Try to detach from suffering.
People that are used to suffer can be afraid of feeling other emotions. Thus, they attach to what they know. (Más vale malo conocido que bueno por conocer. [A known evil is better than an unknown good]) Develop courage and welcome other emotions into your body.
You can choose your beliefs.
Beliefs are powerful. Some can empower you. Some can hurt you. You believe what you want to believe. Try not to always believe the story that fits your previous beliefs. If someone says something that challenges your beliefs, you will not believe. If they say something that fits your preconceptions, you will believe. Challenge your beliefs, especially when they make you suffer. Independently of what is truth or reality, your beliefs are the ones affecting your being.
You will always change.
Saying that you are in a certain way, or that changing something in your behavior is impossible are beliefs. Beliefs that limit your growth. It is normal to attach to an identity when you are immature. But the more you detach from your identity, the faster the growth.
Your life belongs to you. People’s lives belong to them.
Take care of your own life, first. Don’t worry about what others do. Care about what you do, think, feel, and believe and how that affects your suffering. Try to reduce your suffering.
Avoid saying things that will go against you in the future.
If you don’t want someone to do something, don’t ask them to do it. If you like someone, don’t say you don’t. Be honest and genuine. Don’t try to be manipulative.
Handle your own insecurities and needs independently.
Don’t continue screwing up your life. Write, meditate, read, listen, and always remain humble.
Trust me. Assuming that you don’t know and that your beliefs are a plentiful source of suffering, it is okay if you remain skeptic about what others say. However, if there is no better evidence than your beliefs, trust them. Trusting people, whether they lie or not, will make you develop social bonds.
Fight loneliness with social bonds.
Pay attention to what other people say.
Usually, people don’t like repeating themselves.
Don’t seek validation in the opposite sex.
Seek fulfillment of your social needs, i.e. company, and a hedonistic and free of cost enjoyment of your life.
Polygamy and monogamy are individual options with different cultural consequences.
Monogamy has succeeded because of the social control that imposed during a specific historical time. However, it doesn’t mean that it is the ultimate value or standard to rule societies. Wider mindsets imply more open relationships. Again, don’t believe your beliefs, and don’t limit your growth.
Think less when you have sex.
It will help you enjoy it more.
Don’t think that sex is the only thing you have to offer.
This will objectify you and diminish your value as human being. If you conceal sex for a long time, people can think that this is the best thing you can offer.
Keep your room tidy.
Your room reflects your life.
Your body is your Being. Your Being is your body.
Writing an email is not writing an instant message (IM).
This is basic conditioning. We are habituated to press “Send” on our (IM) apps after thumbing the first thing that pop-ups in our minds. (Thumbing: typing with the thumbs in a smartphone). However, we are less used to click “send” on email apps, which we hopefully still use in our laptops. Thus, we doubt more and consider twice before clicking “Send”, increasing the chances of re-reading what you wrote. Also, we are habituated to press click continuously in IM apps, while sending second emails makes one feel kind of irresponsible, forgetful, and stupid. Lastly, we are used to writing longer text (more amount of higher-quality information) in email apps than in IM. I invite you to observe your behaviors and inner states while using IM or email apps. IM and emails are not the same.
Write if you disagree with what you read.
Keep on breathing.